ElementChaosTwister

Good evening, all.
It seems as though I haven't uploaded in three years. It hasn't been an easy three years and art related things was the last thing on my mind. To sum up things, my depression had gotten to a point where I found no joy in drawing and photography. This last year was especially hard with moving and the lost of a friend. I also became full-time in 2018, which took up a lot of my time. I found joy in drawing again now that I have a better handle on my depression. I didn't realize how many steps back I took with my skills after not drawing for so long. That does make me feel a little more than sad, but I'm practicing those skills again to, eventually, surpass myself. Soon, I will update more often.

Wow, it's been awhile. I am cleaning up this page. Moving old stuff to another folder to make room for new stuff. 

Things between my parents and I is tense for the lack of better words. I've recently bought a book on toxic parents and it is by far the most difficult book I've read. I've read 57 pages in four days.

It's hard coming to terms with how much denial I'm in when it comes to my parents. My fiance and I were making mock guest lists and I had added my immediate family. He looked at me with a weird expression. "You're inviting them? They're horrible." It didn't dawn on me how terrible they are. I knew what they did wasn't okay, but they're my parents.. right?

Yesterday, I decided not to invite ny immediate family. I would rather take the punches of them wondering why I didn't invite them than to have them show up and cause problems.

This is how I'd forsee it going:

My mum was a caterer for a few years and worked at a bakery. She'd start critiquing the food right away. She'd eventually find me and start asking why I wasn't wearing a dress, why black was one of the wedding colours, and why things weren't traditional. We are having a very non-traditional wedding. No braidsmaids/groomsmen. It's a simple party.

My dad, if parents are still together, would say something dumb and make an ass of himself. That's not terrible, but he doesn't think before he says something. Some of the things he says aren't exactly PC...

My sister would be okay. She can come off as rather bitchy and naive. She has made me rather livid when I told her in confidence that I planned on moving out of state and turns around and tells my mother. I got twenty questions from my mother and I'm still pissed about it. If I were to invite just my sister, she'd tell my mum and suddenly, one turns into three... someway, somehow my mother would weasel her way into my shit.

Needless to say, they don't need to know.
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I'm still dealing with the pressures my dad is placing on me. Hes dumping his emotions on my again. I have told him to stop and as a result, I've stopped talking to him. I have my own shit to deal with and I don't need the extra stress. Part of me wants to mass text them (mum, dad, sis) and cuss them out, rip them to shreds, and then maybe they'll get the picture of how messed up they are. I don't know if they'd actually see the picture, that's the thing. Their heads are shoved too far up their ass to be able to see what it clearly in front of them.

I'm not sure if I'm going to write off my family all together. I don't plan on visiting them anytime soon, as sad as that sounds. The environment is too toxic to handle.

Its been a rocky couple of months. I got engaged in July and started up my other job in that same time period. Finally got a computer. it'll be nice to work on art more.

My parents are in the middle of deciding if they want to divorce. I'm 24, so one would think it wouldnt affect a person so much. Unfortunately, my father doesnt have another outlet to vent to, so it's just me. ive already mentioned that id much prefer if he talked about something else. ive been hard at work and then get a phone call pretty much only talking about my mother. no, she and i still dont see eye-to-eye nor do i think we ever will. Our relationship has soured to where i dont think much could fix it. we "tolerate" each other to a point.

my sister is in financial ruin, so shes relying on my parents to pay her bills. [but she can fly to vegas every couple of months or get another 500$ tattoo ) its been a long couple of months...